Today was my first MLK Jr. Holiday, since 1986, that I didn't take part in some observance activity. Only due to the holiday being earmarked as a day of service has it been extra heavy, chronic over thinker that I am. Like I should've been doing something to honor the contributions and sacrifices of Dr. King and others, and not just soak up the benefits.
Never mind that my whole life has been dedicated to serving others, or that I try to be a cheerful giver and helper-outer throughout the year, over the years. And although I try to show my respect and appreciation and honor to the way-makers in how I live my daily life, I admit that felt like a conscious effort to attend a parade, participate in a march, serve in a soup kitchen, or help beautify a community, or something was in order. Best laid plans and all that.
Instead, I pretty much slothed my way through the day, couch potato style, though not without a lingering tinge of guilt. At first, I called it "black guilt," but I actually think it's more like "servant guilt." I'm sure (more than ever) that I was meant to do something with my life that serves others, so taking a break, at any time, for any length of time, just feels off to me. Hence, this post-retirement stir.
Mock, if you must. Judge me, even, but some of y'all know what I'm talking about.
I didn't share this to try and make anybody feel some type of way about what they did or didn't do. I don't presume to know what other folks should or shouldn't be doing with their time and resources. I certainly don't know what any of you do all day, every day, all year round, so far be it from me to question or #blackshame or #servantshame anybody. Just thinking my thoughts the way I think them. That's all.
Here's hoping that everyone had a good day doing whatever you did or didn't do, and those who were on holiday were able to enjoy it in your own way.
Never mind that my whole life has been dedicated to serving others, or that I try to be a cheerful giver and helper-outer throughout the year, over the years. And although I try to show my respect and appreciation and honor to the way-makers in how I live my daily life, I admit that felt like a conscious effort to attend a parade, participate in a march, serve in a soup kitchen, or help beautify a community, or something was in order. Best laid plans and all that.
Instead, I pretty much slothed my way through the day, couch potato style, though not without a lingering tinge of guilt. At first, I called it "black guilt," but I actually think it's more like "servant guilt." I'm sure (more than ever) that I was meant to do something with my life that serves others, so taking a break, at any time, for any length of time, just feels off to me. Hence, this post-retirement stir.
Mock, if you must. Judge me, even, but some of y'all know what I'm talking about.
I didn't share this to try and make anybody feel some type of way about what they did or didn't do. I don't presume to know what other folks should or shouldn't be doing with their time and resources. I certainly don't know what any of you do all day, every day, all year round, so far be it from me to question or #blackshame or #servantshame anybody. Just thinking my thoughts the way I think them. That's all.
Here's hoping that everyone had a good day doing whatever you did or didn't do, and those who were on holiday were able to enjoy it in your own way.
